I haven't really been keeping a pregnancy journal or anything but I have been blogging/posting a bit at the MDC forum about trying to conceive, pregnancy and birth. I'm going to lump all of the good blogs/posts together so you all can enjoy and I can show this kid if s/he ever comes out...
4/3/06
I'm 24 and ttc #1. We've only been trying for a few months, but I've wanted children forever. I'm hoping to conceive soon so that we can have a baby by early 2007!
8/19/06
DH and I have been ttc for about 8.5 months. I've never been more than a day or two late on my periods, and about a month ago I just gave up. I stopped charting, checking fluids or hpting. This past week however, I started to feel a little crampy. This is typical the day before my period. Oddly enough, the cramps continued for a couple days with no period. I hadn't been keeping track of my cycle, so I'm not sure when I should have started, but my friend and I have the same cycle, and she just said goodbye to my period yesterday. I took a hpt three days ago and saw the faintest of faint lines indicating that I was pregnant. However, the line was so faint, I wasn't sure. I went to a pregnancy center for a test, but the woman who did it, only waited 30 seconds and then sent me home telling me it was negative. She told me the test could take 5 minutes to read! I took another hpt (same brand as before) today and got the same uberfaint line. Should I assume I'm pregnant? Should I retest with a different brand? Its driving me crazy!
8/20/07
I'm Pregnant!!!!!
9/15/06
I'm not doing anything different, except trying to cut back on the junk food and caffeine and drinking more water--- which I should have been doing before hand. I weigh myself occasionally and I suppose once I get to 20ish weeks I might by a fetoscope to see if I can hear a heartbeat. I've haven't done anything though yet. I don't even know how far along I am, or when exactly I'm due. Oh well. It keeps the stress at a minimum.
10/15/06
I'm planning on a homebirth, but if neccessary I'm prepared to go to a hospital. I'm going UC and thinking maybe a waterbirth? We'll see.So far, I'm not actually liking pregnancy. I've been sick non-stop, crabby, tired and blah. My uterus is growing and pushing other stuff around, but so far I don't look pregnant- just fatter. I'm just in the 2nd trimester, so I'm looking forward to these next few months!Dh and I had been ttc for many months. I was charting and temping and fluid-checking and all that. I finally gave up and decided I wasn't meant to get pg at that time. Well, that month I conceived. I was late and I resisted hptesting because I had been doing it every month and being disappointed, but I finally gave in. There was an itsy bitsy line, but I wasn't sure if it was a bfp or an evap line. I told DH we MIGHT be pregnant. (He had heard that one before.) I hpted again- same result and wen't to a clinic where the girl resolutely told me I was NOT pg. I went an bought an expensive early detection test and sure enough it was a lovely blue line. I wanted to test with the first morning urine and that morning I woke up at 3 am. So when I got the result I turned on the bedroom light and said look and shoved the stick in dh's face. He was like "What is that?" and I said we're pregnant! It was funny. He went right back to sleep but was really excited when he woke up in the morning.
10/16/06
For a girl we're planning on Ziva Inari. Ziva means brilliance in Hebrew and Inari means successful one in Japanese. For a boy we're going with Jaden Bryce. Jaden means God hears in Hebrew and Bryce means alert.. I don't remember the origin of that one though.I work as a counselor for a group home. I'm moving to WA in a couple days though and I'll be looking for work. I'm not sure what I'll find. I work about 20-30 hours a week now and I'm hoping to keep it at 20 once the baby is born. Ultimately I'd like to be a stay at home mom.
10/16/06
I do plan to CD. I've already add some to my registry! Lol.We're not going to do a lotus birth, but I do plan to wait quite a while to cut the cord. Dh is new to all this so if I'm easing him in bit by bit. I talked to him about a lotus birth and he was shocked. He had no idea people could do that. He scared that the placenta will smell and all that, so we'll pass on it this time. I'm not planning on having an ultrasound unless there is a problem that arises. We want to be surprised, so even if we do have one I don't think we'll ask to know the sex.
10/17/06
I can't wait to do all the stuff that comes with this- birth, teaching the child to walk, talk, read, cook, clean, grow up, drive- everything. I can't wait for the first steps, words, teeth, holidays, dates, kisses and sleepovers. I'm looking forward to the awe and wonder that a child has for the little things adults forget to be amazed by- animals, snow, sunsets, rain, silly songs, making cookies and riding a bike.I'm also worried that I'll fail somehow in my duties. I worry that I won't teach them everything they need to know, I won't explain my values or beliefs well enough, I won't discipline effectively, I won't give them enough space or I'll geive them too much. I'm worried that my kids won't like me, respect me, trust me, listen to me, talk to me, miss me when they go or want to leave at all. There is so much to do as a parent, and while I know so much of it just comes and goes without a thought, its a big change and a lot of things to think about now.I think my hormones are kicking in...
11/17/06
All I've heard is "Look how much weight you've put on!" "Be careful that you don't put on too much more weight." "Pregancy is harder if you put on too much weight."I'd kill for someone to assume I was pregnant. What's worse is that I haven't put on more than 5 or 10 pounds. All my inards are just sitting above my bellybutton making me look obese. *cry cry*
1/3/07
Well, in my own defense I found out that my baby is breech. The big fat head is making myelook obese by sitting above my bellybutton, while down near the bottom of my uterus, where I'm supposed to be big I've got nothing but a couple scrawny legs... Thanks a lot baby... If it's a boy I'm dressing him in pink for this...
1/5/07
I can't feel my baby moving. S/he is breech (and has been the whole time) and rarely even turns over in there. I thought at this stage I would be feeling him/her and have that connection, but I don't feel any movement and forget I'm pregnant half the time. That sucks.Health wise everything is fine. My morning sickness lasted for 5 months (which I was not expecting!) and I didn't gain much weight at all (which I also was not expecting!) I'm peeing a lot, which I planned for and sleeping a lot too. I'm totally in a nesting phase- baking and cleaning and shopping for baby stuff. It's cool. I can't wait to meet the baby though and I'm actually looking forward to experiencing birth in all its pain and pleasure.
3/9/07 (21 days pre-due date)
So midwife talked me into getting an ultrasound. I have resisted thus far, but she gave me no options. She said my stomach has such good muscle tone that she couldn't tell the position of the baby (breech or not). Since s/he's been breech for most of the time she was concerned. She tried sticking her fingers in, but the baby is still floating so that was no help.I had to go get the d*** u/s or she'd stop seeing me and refer me to a DR to get a c-section. Now, little does she know, but I'm not planning on calling her to the birth. I'm only seeing her now to make DH feel better.Anyhow, the u/s showed my baby is head down. I'm very glad, as I was having mixed feelings about forcing him/her to turn.The end.
3/13/07 (17 days pre-due date)
I'll try to make this brief:I'm 8.5 month pregnant with #1. I was doing a UP up until the en of the 6th month when I began seeing a midwife. I plan to UC, but possibly call the midwife after everything's over so she can check us out and get me a birth certificate. Everything's been great with the midwife up until now. She has been fine with me refusing to take certain tests, she's relatively AP, anti-vax and okay with minimal intereference. She also respects my religious beliefs and is willing to accommodate all my little oddities.So last week she said she couldn't feel if the baby was breech or not from the outside because of my "well-toned" stomach muscles.. I find this funny, since I'm fat and out of shape, but there it is. She tried to stick her finger in there but as I told her, the baby hasn't dropped and lo and behold she couldn't even touch the cervix. So she talked me into going in for a u/s which I had never had and feel VERY guilty about.This week I met with her assistant (they rotate weekly clinicals every week). She also couldn't tell the position of the baby externally either so she put her hand in there. She was so forceful that now, 2 hours later I still feel sore, but she couldn't reach it either. I told her that the baby hadn't dropped, and I know what it feels like when the baby flips and there had been no flipping in the past week. She told me to get another u/s which I refused. She said that I need to get a u/s every week until I have the baby so they can make sure the baby isn't breech.I can refuse, but she's so pushy about it it makes me angry. I'll have to see her very other week, which I do not want to do. I'm not going to have a weekly u/s. I'm not going to let the midwives shove their hands up into my body for no reason. I will know if the baby flips and from what I've read by week 38 (now) there is very little room for flipping anyways.I didn't plan to have either of them at the birth anyways, and now that I've had all the tests I plan to take and I know I'm healthy (good BP, not amenic, no diabetes, GBS-, etc.) I might just kiss them all goodbye. I love MY midwife, but I'm not going to cater to a bunch of stupid procedures and I don't want to deal with the other midwife. Should I just come in every other week so I don't have to see the midwife I don't like and keep refusing the tests, or should I just call it quits?
3/21/07 (9 days pre-due date)
My midwife can almost reach my cervix internally. Not comfortable, but at least now she can tell that the baby is head down without trying to send me in for u/s which I've been resisting. She says there is a chance the baby could go back to breech, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.My measurments have been right on par for the week all the way through, but now it looks like I'm measuring about 36 cm. I don't know what this means, but it's kinda weird. Hmm..No one is expecting me to have the baby until the first week of April (cry cry) but I'm reeeeeeally hoping the baby hurries up and gets outta there! I guess when they did my one evil u/s that's what it looked like. They put my EDD at April 6th by their measurents. We'll see though. Keep your fingers crossed that it happens a little sooner, as I'm getting reeeeally uncomfortable and sick of being pregnant! I want to meet my baby!!!
3/23/07 (7 days pre-due date)
I've been having some veeeeery mild BH contrax these past few days. Also, the baby is really running out of room and not happy about it!My maternity leave has now begun. I have 6 weeks. I really hope the baby isn't too late, as I don't want to sit around preggo the whole time! Hopefully I'll only be working 2-3 days a week for about 10-15 hours, so even once I go back it won't be too bad.I think I'm going to try some EPO and maybe nipple stimulation. I've heard those can help labor hurry up if my body's already thinking about it. I feel bad for baby because I feel him/her trying to get comfy in there but it takes forever since it's such a tight space. Plus, I think s/he wants to get back in breech but can't turn MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!I'd love to get this baby outta me now...
3/27/07 (3 days pre-due date)
You probably are getting tired of my boring updates, since nothing's really happening, but I figure I can use this for some pregnancy memories later.I had my midwife appt. today. They tried to make me go get an u/s but I refused. I met with the midwife I don't care for, but I guess the other midwife told her not to try sticking her hands or anything else in me, so that was good.I'm measuring at 36 inches and I still have a ton of movement. I've been having some super mild BH contrax and the creepy feeling that something is sinking down behind my pelvic bone. It's great. I'm so anxious, but okay with being late. My mom is hoping I have the baby on her birthday- 4/4. I'm staying positive about the timing and trying to remember that the baby will come out as soon as s/he's ready. I'm trying to enjoy 9-10 hours of uninterupted sleep at night and being able to watch 2 tv shows in a row if I feel like it.
3/27/07 (3 days pre-due date)
I'm 39w 4d and going nuts! I'm trying to enjoy being childless while it lasts, but I've been trying to have a baby for so long I can't hardly bear it. I want this baby outta me now!My midwife if predicting a 41+w birth... I think I may go insane.
3/31/07 (1 day post-due date)
So here's another uneventful update...The baby is reeeally low now... I think in the perfect position to get out of me! I'm not effaced or dillated or anything, but I have been having some mini-contrax of the BH variety. They're getting more frequent now.Also... this will sound weird but, does the baby push him/herself out using their feet? I keep feeling the baby pushing his/her feet super hard into my belly and then I feel the cervix stretching out as the head goes further down. Am I nuts?
4/5/07 (6 days post-due date)
So, I'm 40W6D today. I'm sick of not knowing what's going on. I don't know what these sensations I'm feeling are. Maybe contrax, maybe nothing at all. It's frustrating!My midwife is trying to talk my into getting my membranes stripped net week. I don't know how I feel about that. She's also preparing me to lie to the Drs. if and when I hit 42 weeks and I "have" to go in for a stress test and/or induction. I'll fake my own death and vanish into the mountains before I do in for any of those idiodic tests. Blah. My midwife is also trying to prepare me for the chance that I might not be able to get the baby out how I want to. She's afraid that in a pool she won't be able to get her hands in there... She thinks she's going to have the chance. She's also predicting that since I'm not singing with delight everytime she tries to shove her hands up into my cervix that I might not be able psychologically to open my legs and let the baby come out, which will injure him/her. Of course this all had to be said while DH is in the room (the 2nd time he's gone to one of my appts.) and now he's panicking again. She thinks she'll have to get me out of the tub and onto the bed and they'll all have to force my legs open to let the baby out dso I don't kill him/her. Great. Thanks for the image.I think if anything, all my discomfort stems from foreign objects and people entering in my body when they don't belong there. I can't imagine any reason that I won't be able to let my body work and produce a baby when the time is right if I don't have people hovering around, freaking me out and putting things in my vagina. Blah. Very frustrating.Next time I WILL NOT go to a midwife regularly. If anything I'll go in, get the test I want done and then vanish. The whole reason I wanted a midwife as opposed to a Dr. was so that I could avoid pressure, guilt and fear. I should have listened to my instincts at the begining and just continued my UP. Thank G-d I did it myself for the first 7 months or who knows what I wouldn've been talked into. I've already had a u/s, internal cervical checking- neither of which I wanted. Grrr...Well, I'm trying to be positive and just hoping this baby comes before my appt. is scheduled next week. If not, I might just "forget to go" so I don't have to be pressured about the membrane stripping. I'm just not sure anymore. A part of me feel like I've been pushed further than I wanted to go anyways, so I might as well let her do it, but another part of me is standing by my long-time belief that babies will come when they're ready. I don't know...
4/9/07 (10 days post-due date)
I think I've decided to forgo the membrane stripping. I know a lot of women stand by it, but I've always advocated waiting it out and letting the baby come when it's ready. I've pushed the limits with this by trying to use sex and activity to coax him/her out, but I just can't feel good about messing around in my uterus.Today is 41W3D with still no sign of labor. I'm trying to be patient and positive!
4/10/07 (11 days post-due date)
I'm now 41W4D. It's been a blessing in disguise because DH and I were able to get through Passover/Unleavened Breads without having the baby. He had a couple of days off and we got to spend some quality time together (which is a miracle since he works and ges to school full time and we NEVER see each other). Plus, another Messianic friend was lamenting about how she was born during unleavened breads and thereofr never gets a decent birthday cake. I hadn't thought about that, but I suppose that's a good point too!Also, our icky roommate moved out, which has put some financial stress on us, but has taken a ton of emotional stress off of us and I welcome that wholeheartedly. DH and I finally feel like we can be at peace in our home and view it as a spiritual refuge instead of a tense prison.I forgot to go to my midwife appt today... Seriously, I did. It's the first one I've missed. I think my subconscious chose to block it out because I didn't want to deal with them trying to pressure me into stripping my membranes. I've been wrestling with it all week. I didn't (and still don't) want to do it, but the impatience and pressure were tempting me seriously! I'm happy with my decision.I've been having more consistent cramp-feeling contrax (I hope!). They're just right down in the pubic area still, but I feel lots of them everyday, so I'm hoping the time is approaching. Also, the little one keeps scooting further down. I don't know if I'm dilated at all, but I've been feeling things stretching out down there for a couple of days now, so I hope that means dilation is in the near future.Thanks for the support. This thread has actually really helped me sort out my feelings and maintain some sense of perspective!
4/12/07 (13 days post-due date)
Is it normal to want to go into hiding because I'm tired of people saying, "Still pregnant!" and asking when "they" are going to induce me???
4/13/07 (14 days post-due date)
Keep you fingers crossed for me today. Against my better judgment I've agreed to go take a non-stress test. Supposedly the people who will be doing the test aren't as nervous and pushy with 42-weekers as some places, but my midwife told me to lie and tell them I might only be 41 weeks just in case. I'm already preparing to defend and refuse everything they say, but I'm kind of wondering why I agreed to go. Hopefully DH will be able to get off work and come with and he can help me keep my resolve...
4/14/07 (15 days post-due date)
So, I'm mad...I had my non-stress test and everything was great. The baby's fine and I'm fine. However, I had to drive an hour and a half to get to the only doctor who is willing to "let me" continue without induction. She told me that I have to continue driving out there EVERY OTHER DAY for these stupid 2-3 hour tests. I called my midwife's office and they told me that if I refuse I can't see the midwives anymore.WHAT A BUNCH OF BS!!! What kind of sense does that make??? How do I suddenly go from no-risk, totally healthy to high risk and losing my midwives over the period of one day??? What could possibly happen that would make me and the baby go from "doing great" to dangerous in three days? I'm obviously planning a UC anyways, but DH and I agreed to have a midwife that we could call if we had a question or if there was a situation we couldn't handle. Now I feel like I'm letting him down by refusing to cave in to their demands. And to top it off, all the joy and pleasure I had during the end of my pregnancy is gone. All I can do is be mad that I'm still pregnant because its complicating everything. Next time I'm going to do my UP the whole way thru. This is totally ruining the last few weeks of my pregnancyThe US sucks. I wish there was someone I could tell who would come and straighten everything out.
4/16/07 (17 days post-due date)
More of my never-ending midwife saga...I'm now officially on my own. My midwife told me that either I get the tests or they're done with me. I told her I wasn't going to get the tests and that (gasp) I was going to have a UC with my husband and I was fine with that. She was nervous about that and tried to talk me out of it, but as I told her, if driving an hour and a half every other day is my only option and it's NOT an option, what else am I supposed to do? She didn't really have an answer for me, but was really worried about my choice. She is the most natural midwife in western WA, so of course I can't just go elsewhere and I don't think she's had a patient who found her to be too "medical" for their tastes. ANyways, DH is supporting my choice, but I know he's scared out of his mind. I told him that I'll do the fetal movement monitoring this week and if nothing's happening by Friday (assuming all else is well) I'll start castor oil. If that hasn't started the ball rolling by the end of the weekend I'll think about going to a doctor. I'm REEEEEEALLY hoping that this baby shows up before that! I don't want to give up my dream birth, but I think that three weeks late is a little much.Now I'm just struggling with my feelings of guilt and failure. If I have to go to a doctor and give up my birth plans I don't know how I'll feel. I'll feel like a fraud and like I let my baby down. I understand how soe of the other mamas who've gone thru a similar experience feel now. I hope everything works out, but either way I just want a healthy baby.
